In December I gave up a job I enjoyed to work in an office to guarantee hours and have more pay.

The decision was a good one, My husband and I can now pay all our bills and knock out some debt. We don’t have to be as scared to eat out or treat ourselves because we know we have money in the bank.

The negative that came from this is that I have somewhat retreated into the darker version of myself.

I am the type of person who easily takes on the attributes of others. I like what they like, talk how they talk, do what they do. However as a follower of Jesus there are certain things I wont do. I wont go out drinking or swearing. I don’t change how I dress, but I do find my thought patterns changing. I start to be more negative, winge and moan about people. I join in with gossip and the horrible things others are saying. I enjoy tearing people down. I love it. Helps the day pass.

That is not what Jesus asks of us. He asks us to love our neighbours as ourselves. He calls us to be kind and not to gossip. My actions are not only making me sin against God but they are also making my life negative.

I have found that I am nastier to myself and to those around me. My self talk is scary, I tear myself down and dive into a hole of laziness and want to close myself off to the world.

I don’t like how a change of job does that to me, I don’t want to be that person. I want to be light in the workplace. Some one who brings joy and not negativity.

I want to be better, I will be better.